Sunday, July 27, 2008

The X-Files: Can You Believe This Crap?

Any review of the new X-Files movie that gives it more than a C is written by someone who's high. Check out The Onion's AV Club website review for some funny comments, including this one, written by "Jessica the Dork":

SPOILERS (minor, and you won't care anyway, as the movie sucks):

That "It's all about your sister" line was so out-of-nowhere, you know there is no argument Scully doesn't play that card. "I asked you to buy milk. Why won't you ever buy milk? STOP LOOKING FOR YOUR SISTER!"

Funny because it's true, folks. At best, this movie had enough B-grade plot material to make a middling episode of the TV series' last three years. As it is, stretched to movie-length and shown in a movie theater, this is just pathetic. My X-Files fanfic, written in one sitting ten years ago or more, was more interesting than this. Echh.


PS - I must save this for posterity. It is a comment someone left on the AV Club's review. The comments, by this point, have degenerated into ripping on Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Here you go:

It is a time of uncertainty. the
empire's ambiguous tariff statutes
mandate close reexamination of
galactic export quotas. Interim
Princess Agoomba has co-chaired
a subcommittee to draft amendments
to existing trade policies.

Meanwhile, regulatory agencies
are being heavily lobbied by a
consortium of mercantile interest
groups and their suppliers to
streamline loading restrictions....

Hee hee! -ET

1 comment:

AK said...

In case you didn't know, the opening crawl you quoted is taken from a film called "Cosmic Wars" in the Simpsons episode Co-Dependent's Day.